The Prescription for Being Single

(you're not going to like it, unfortunately)

It’s Valentine’s Day and if you’re single, first off just let me say: I know how hard it is.

I am coming up on three years single and it used to be the bane of my existence. I wanted a someone soooo badly. I went for all these long distance, low commitment loser guys (sorry if you’re reading this and we talked at any point) that would fill the void for a moment, but ultimately end up fizzling out because I was either not into them or they weren’t into me.

I actually wrote about the latter early last year in reference to my extremely inconsistent/avoidant long-term situationship. I don’t think he cared if I lived or d*ed to be completely honest. He destroyed my nervous system and I would become physically ill before/after seeing him because I just *knew* I was going to get my feelings hurt. Looking back I truly have no idea why I even liked him. Father wounds probably. That’s another topic for another day (or never).

Very sorry if you relate to any of this. There is hope, though.

While all of this is happening I am also newly sober — coming up on two years in May. Doing the steps, all of it. So naturally, I'm healing in other ways as well. I’m exercising, reading books, listening to personal growth stuff, addressing childhood trauma… glowing up in general! I also decided I wanted to start a photography business which kept me busy and gave me a purpose.

And in the midst of all this, I sorta just forgot about finding someone. Like, I was so consumed with making my own life better and becoming the best version of myself that I didn’t feel like I needed anyone anymore. Also, and TMI sorry, but I barely had sex for nearly two years and I also think that helped immensely.

My life was/is becoming exactly what I wanted it to look like. I enjoy my solitude. I do things the way I wanted to do them (like keeping my house spotless at all times. After being with a guy for years that couldn’t even put clothes away or clean a toilet this was a huge deal for me). I’ve gotten back in touch with my creativity and regularly write.

BOTTOM LINE: I poured everything I had into becoming the best version of myself.

Disclaimer: I cried/was mad a lot. It is not easy, nor is it fun in the early stages — it is extremely isolating, but eventually you get used to it and it becomes your new normal. Like anything.

You can do it too. I really believe in you. I know it sounds like a really bad deal right now, but I STG doing this will make you unstoppable.

I listened to this playlist A LOT over there last year. Maybe it will help you the way it’s helped me.