Alright hoes I figured out that you need to change the email settings so that you can see the new title of my newsletter in the email.
So hi, hello, welcome back to my regularly scheduled mess with a different name.
Currently I am feeling sorry for myself while laying in my bed wrapped a waffle weave hotel bathrobe that isn’t mine, avoiding an impending deadline for High Times, and ruminating about love in all its wretched forms. I love love, but I also resent it’s perpetual chokehold.
I have never in my life since being 17 been without a boyfriend, companion, or “talking to someone” for longer than a few weeks. It’s a revolving door of men (boys) who want something from me. Or is it that I want something from them? Is it the attention, affection, validation, self-worthiness, etc that I need? That’s probably why all my relationships are completely f*cked.
And paradoxically, that’s why I’m feeling sorry for myself right now. I’m not waking up to “Good morning” texts. I’m not calling anyone before I go to sleep. I still think about someone a lot (they are a perfect angel in case ur wondering), but we aren’t talking anymore. I am truly alone for the first time in my life. I don’t have to check in with someone at the end of the day. I don’t feel bad if I forget to text. Because no one is there.
At least not like that. And it’s kind of relieving.
I have my kids, my writing, my work, my friends. I have shit that actually means something.
That’s probably all I need.